The intent was not to skip weeks 7 and 8, but it happened. The title for week 7 was going to be “coming in hot” because I had planned to submit it same time as 8. Then week 8 came and went. Now week 9 pushing into 10, but it’s getting done.
The one chore I’ve written on the card has finally been done, and continues to get done, even though I don’t think I’ve read it more than twice. The facet that it’s done feels like someone telling me “I told you so”. The ego/subconscious doesn’t like it. I have traditionally not liked lists or writing goals.
I’ve been questioning my motives on not needing money. That’s been one of my hang ups defining my DMP. More specifically PPNs. Looking to get to the bottom of it this week. I keep reminding myself I asked for this.
No fancy title this week. This week is loaded with challenge as I skipped week four and five, and not really feeling like blogging week six. This is challenging because it has accountability to do things. I haven’t done most of the self accountable requirements. No cards, no shapes, no sitting, no story like it’s been done, no blog weeks 4 and 5. Not sure why, but doing my best to focus on doing and not concerning with why. Why will reveal itself after I’ve overcome the obstacles. I can say there has been anger, sometimes intense, and thoughts of quitting. But there is a resolve to face it and do it. This is why week 6 blog is here. I’ve resolved myself to do anything or write anything, a paragraph, a sentence, a word, or just a letter. Regardless what it is, it’s something that starts the process; opens the spigot to allow the drip. That incessant drip that eventually turns into a flow.
I think I managed to turn in a respectable DMP finally. It will still need revisions but it’s something I can get behind. My chore cards have been a failure. I have done two other chores in place of the one I chose to write on the card. The obstacle is the way. The obstacle being self discipline. Only recently have I warmed up to the word discipline, and by recently I mean last two or three months. It started when I heard the phrase “discipline is freedom”. I argued with it for a week or two but allowed myself to be open to accepting it. I can now see how that is a true statement. In the past all I new discipline to be was punishment, so naturally I did not like being disciplined. It actually angers me that the word has been manipulated in that fashion. As I come to understand what discipline is, I see that it is not an outward force acting inwardly, but rather an inward force acting outwardly.
Week two was similar to week one, in that I was behind the 8 ball in being on top of assignments, etc. My last weekend was spent in Pensacola supporting and cheering fellow crossfit athletes. So blessed to have spent the time with my friends and room mates. I can’t thank them enough for being who they are and being a part of my life.
I revised my DMP (definite major purpose) for week two and in doing so had a flood of emotions/feelings ranging from frustration, to f’ it, to just do it, to excitement, to obligation, etc. I finally typed out something and told myself to hit submit and leave it to my guide to guide. There’s the nagging feeling of “I could have done more” but it’s tempered with the thought of use the system, let it work it’s magic. It’s amazing the resistance that pops up when you have to humble yourself, be vulnerable and rely on the expertise and advice of another.
Have to start somewhere, so I’ll start by acknowledging and celebrating my first blog post. It’s pretty interesting when you make up your mind to do something it happens quickly. I have been having ideas and “blogs” running through my head the last couple of weeks. I’ve also been toying with the idea of starting up a word press account for the last two years or so. Not but a couple of days ago I made the decision to investigate and set up a word press account. Shortly after, I received an invitation for a master mind group that one of the first requirements was to set up a word press account and post a blog. Strange how things happen. Not really. :P
What is DMP? That would be definite major purpose. That is another requirement of this mastermind group. Challenge is, I don’t have one. The other challenge is I have major resistance to creating one. I did put some words down to begin, but they are vague at best. Having said that, I choose to celebrate the victory of actually starting the process. So basically not only is the purpose of this blog to get my feet wet and create a first blog, but it also a confession of my struggles creating a DMP and breaking through old patterns and thoughts.
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