Week #2 – Woah! Classroom Shock For Sure!

When I first heard Mark use the phrase “classroom shock” I did what my old blueprint always does and said to myself, “I’ll be fine…”

You see, I had signed up for 3 new courses at the same time I signed up for MKMMA. I believe all 4 courses are a must for furthering myself to the entrepreneur and person I want to be but I realized that I had not realized I had committed to so much. I have not had such a ‘course load’ since high school and just 1 other time in my work life.  So, MKMMA is a classroom shock in itself let alone the other 3 courses on top.

But more than that I began thinking why do I do this, what happens when I have done this in the past and WHY does it seem always the same result? I’ve been struggling for “find my fit”. I’ve tried a few (OK more than a few if you go all the way back) entrepreneurial / independent contractor type gigs and yet none of them have I made myself successful at before moving on.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m very proud of my life in general. I came from a lower middle class family. Mom & Dad divorced when I was 9 yrs old. I became a teen mom, then a single mom with a rash of poor quality relationships but I was blessed to land a “good job” when I was 23 yrs old. With that job I learned how to better my self and transfer each new skill set climbing the corporate ladder to be able to live in nice homes, drive reliable cars and raise my son fairly comfortably. I now have a wonderful husband, we live in a beautiful home that everyone loves, our blended family includes 3 sons, 2 daughters-in-law and 1 granddaughter. And many very good friends.

So, why, am I still struggling to make a home based business successful if I’ve been able to show up, make money, move up in my career, create amazing relationships?

Could it be that my old blueprint is running tapes as far back as Mom & Dad’s divorce, my own failure in high school, choosing the wrong partners for so many years? At about year 3 of my current marriage things were not feeling so wonderful and my mom happen to mention, “this is about the time when all the other relationships broke up too, huh?” WOW! Was that a kick in the teeth.

I am afraid of close personal success? I don’t know for sure but I think it’s about darn time I create a new blueprint. It may be harder than I realized. I will stumble and so I will keep my promises. All of them. Even to myself.

Week #1 – My Introduction To MKMMA / Master Key Experince

Hello and welcome into my journey with MKMMA / Master Key Experience.

Although I had taken many self-assessment tests, attended self-help webinars, courses and counseling,  I’ve read tons of books and articles, followed many inspirational people and their posts, I believe I had never embarked on a journey quite like what I have committed to here.

Already in just the first couple of weeks (including the application process) I am being challenged to stretch in so many areas. Creating new habits seems so easy when you speak them and yet requires so much to actually put into action and not find a reason/justification to quit and spend my time doing yet another “something else”.

I’m doing my best as it is today and each day, reminding myself to give myself grace as I simply do and trust in the process.

This past year has been the toughest in my life. I lost my mom to cancer on July 3rd, 2016 within 2 months of diagnosis. I was blessed that I was able to bring her into my home and care for her every day and every hour till her passing. I don’t know what life would have been like without this blessing and yet it brought me to my knees to have to let her go.

Since then I took advantage of some grief counseling and felt I was getting through pretty OK. I went “back to work” and started a new life without Mom yet within a few shorts months I lost momentum. I must have traded sobbing at the loss on my mom for simply apathy, numbing and withdrawing because everything I attempted to do was “not working”.

The new biz op, another biz op, then a promising ‘job’ and now my motivation to even speak to people. I call it ‘losing my voice’. This is not the first time I’ve felt like this, and I’ve always risen through it, but it is definitely not what I had imagined for me and my family at this stage of my life. Heading toward retirement when I should be finding new aspects of life and freeing even more of my voice.

I decided to commit to MKMMA Master Key Experience to rid myself of, and stop wasting life on; fear, worry, self-doubt, skepticism,  mis-trust and judgement, and all the negative that doesn’t deserve any energy at all. I am excited to find my joy again, my voice, before the end of this course so that I can give more of the true me and my joy, the good stuff, to all those around me for the next phase of, and the rest of, my life.