Week 7 – 7 seconds of waiting

This week is very exciting with 7 day mental diet. That means only positive thoughts (and feelings of course)  for 7 days.  I am lucky to have done this diet before, although I never reached 7 whole days, but had to start over and over again. Good practice though, because now is the time to make it. I feel positive about my success in holding the thoughts positive, and I think that is halfway to the victory.

If you start any kind of practice with doubt or just no faith then the outcome is given; It will be tuff because you think it will be tuff. I know, I have been there.

Yesterday was an interesting experience. I woke up with a cathastrophy thought, that turned into a kind of cathastrophy feeling, that didn’t want to go away, even though I felt good and had positive thinking. This feeling stayed in the back on my head luring and itching, so I told it to come forward, and in the same second I did that it came out and disappeared. Just like that! Like a windblow and it was gone. I felt relieved and my belief is that I had something in my subby since it came when I was sleeping, that had to come out. In fact, my subby is my friend, or even my sister. Even if a sister with her own mind, but still my sister. My subby recognize that I am cleaning up now, a big cleaning up! So I talk with my subby on a daily basis now:

Me: Hey, I know you are hiding something in that corner.

Subby: Huh, are you talking to me?

Me: Yes I am! Don’t fool me around! Of course am I talking to you. Who else likes to hide things in the darkest corners?

Subby: Ehhhh… You yourself?

Me: What! Do you insinuate that I am responsible for what I can’t see? For things that YOU hide from me?

Subby: Yes? Hmmmm. I don’t think our relationship is equal. You actually have all control. It is you who LET me hide things from you, so you don’t have to see them. And after many years do you forget them and blame me. If you constantly work with yourself within yourself, there is no chance for me to hide anything. But I try to help you, you know. Like in the dreams. I toss in things in your dreams that you are not able to reach when you are awake. But most of time you don’t get it anyway. Don’t blame me for that (I know what I think about you).

Me: Hey I heard you! Remember the 7 day mental diet. It goes for you too! Okey I got your message. From now on are we co-operating. And I will take good responsibility. Okey?

Subby: Okey. Love you!

Me: Ohhh! I love you too! More than you can imagine. You know, I have a song in my head that will help us doing this job. You know how much I love Senegal. I think I have my roots in Sweden and my (tree)Crown in Senegal, and there is a beautiful song with Senegalese artist Youssou N’dour and Swedish artist Neneh Cherry. The song’s titel is: 7 Seconds. I love it! Come on now! Lets sing!

And when a child is born into this world
It has no concept
Of the tone the skin it’s living in
It’s not a second

7 seconds away
Just as long as I stay
I’ll be waiting
It’s not a second
7 seconds away
Just as long as I stay
I’ll be waiting
I’ll be waiting
I’ll be waiting

Music makes me and subby positive!

PLU until next week!

Week 6 – No opinions! Well I know what I think about that!

I’m still struggling with time. But I have now come to the conclusion that I am caught in this feeling, so I need to change my mindset about how much time I got. Today was I struggling with a timebooking system which is very important for me to have for my business. Of course did I start with the thought in my head that it would take time, because I am not skilled in IT-based stuff (yet!). So it took a lot of time. A lot! But somewhere do you come to a breakingpoint where you feel it is enough, and that is where I am now. It is enough! From now one will everything go smoothly and with no time-effort at all. I know it is possible and I know it functions for me. I have decided that.

I have thought about opinions. It’s not easy in many ways. This week do I have my sister and sisters daughter visiting me. My sister feed me with a lot of opinions about her husband. All the time. Thrue the years have I learned a coping strategi for this, because when you show any reaction to a person with a lot of opinions (this counts for everybody, not only my sister) then they often got new opinions. It’s like you feeding them with new opinions only by reacting and acting over what that say, regardless what you answer. So I just say: “hmmmm” as an answer for most things she say, at the same time I give her my full attention. I have noticed during the years that opinionated people are satisfaid with this. Most of them anyway.

I have also thought about how you could express an opinion withot saying an opinion. I had a strong itch on my tounge today to do exactly this. My sister told me that they had bought makeup to her daughter today for quite a lot of money. The fact is that they buy almost anything their daughter want, and it must cost much money for them because they like the idea of spending crazy much money on her. So….. this evening wanted I so bad to put on my Facebook status that my sister payed crazy much money for make-up to her daughter. Why did I want to do this? Well, I am not opinionated. Right? I am a good girl. Right? NOOOOOO!!!! I am a bad girl! I want to put it on my Facebook status to make other people opinionated! Of course! I KNOW I will get a lot of opinions from people , especially if I formulate it well. And that is people who never met my sister or her daughter. I can easily manipulate them to have opinions about this, and still have my little Saint glory to shine with.

So I continue to observe myself and finding coping strategies against my own behaviour, which is much sneekier than my sisters profound opinions. So how did I do to handle the itch on my tongue today? I bought salted cashewnuts and ate the whole bag of 100 g. In Sweden do we say: Alla sätt är bra utom de dåliga (All ways are nice except the bad ones).

Peace, Love and Understanding (PLU) until next week

Week 5 – When life comes in between

For me has this week been the tuffest one. I have suddenly had many obligatory things to do outside MKE, and the hours haven’t been enough to everything. My priority skills have really been tested this week. I have managed to do all the routines/everyday habits so far, and these have also been priority number one.  But then there is the “extra” like upgrading my blog from the link I got from Davene and to finish my pressrelease. It’s on it’s way but need some more time.

Luckily have I been in the situation many times before, when my goals have to stand back for life itself. You could even say it has become a habit for me to deal with this. So now do I forgive myself not having time to do everything, knowing that the goals don’t disappear, just getting postponed a little and that the reason for the goals grow even stronger because I do not let them out of my mind until they are achieved.

I think about all the people out there, doing the MKS with all new habits and everything and still have time with children, spouses and full time job. I don’t have neither of that. I truly admire all of them. Thank God am I a planningfreak so I will not stress up trying to keep in head everything. My day are in blocks what to do in the morning, the day, the evening and before going to bed. But for sure would it be very handy to have another block as well. And I use traveltime as much as possible to read the GS, my DMP, servicecard, law of giving card and I tell myself to do it now and that I can be what I will to be. I am not shouting out loud but I sit and talk with a voice that will not disturb the other passengers, hoping that they will not call the Police or the psychiatric emergency department. Lucky me to live in Sweden, because Swedish people prefer not to interfere, but they love to stare with a weird look, and occasionally film the whole thing very discreetly. That is okey with me. I know who I am and what I will to be.

Week 4 – Hello, is it me you’re looking for?

I can’t believe how fast the weeks are running. This week went really quick, because I have been working with massage for three days and when I do the massage am I so focused  so time almost ceases. Maybe it does, for what is time?

This week are we assigned to ponder on “I” when we have the sitting. That reminds me of the 80′s and 90′s when I spent a lot of time thinking about koans. I sat zazen and I also used every moment possible to ponder on these koans which really don’t have an answer. It’s all about shifting perspectives through the paradoxes in the koans. I haven’t thought about this in many years, and now suddenly I miss it. Like so many others, do I use my “extra” time to catch up at Facebook and suddenly are you just surfing around without any clear purpose.

So where am “I”? Back then in the 90′s, when I was thinking about “I” there were moments when I felt that my “I” was dissolved and still present. But in the same moment I reacted to that, like thinking it was a strange feeling, that state of mind disappeared in a microsecond.

Sometimes when I look at the stars can I think about the perspective from outerspace. We are so small and every “I” is so little, but if we put them all together will we be great. We will be a universal power. Like a drop in the ocean is not much, but contains the whole ocean within, and together with other drops are they powerful forces.

I ponder on “I” in the sitting and I think about it on daily basis, and suddenly a line came up in my mind: “Hello it is me you’re looking for”. I had to laugh with myself. But Lionel Richies text is actually talking to me:

“You’re all I’ve ever wanted and my arms are open wide
Cause you know just what to say and you know just what to do
And I want to tell you so much, I love you”

Dear, dear “I”, you have all the answers and I want to tell you how much I love you.

PLU until next week

Additional and clarifying: I discover that we were not assigned to ponder on “I” in the sitting, just to let go mentally (LOL). But no harm done. I had really good sittings monday-wednesday. The rest of the week I will just let go mentally.

week 3 – an interesting meeting

I had an interesting meeting with my Ego this week, which I would like to share with you all. My two needs are Spritual growth and Helping others, and when I got the feedback from my guide had he written something that triggered my Ego to take action. Even if I have worked and processed with my Ego for many years is it a sneaky little devil (saying it with a smile) always sleeping with only one Eye. I had the belief when I was young that when you had gotten rid off your fear, Ego and defenses then it was once for all, but during my lifetime I discover that it is like success; You really have to manage it well all the time, even if it gets so much easier year by year, becuase it becomes a habit first and then you go for autopilot recognising your little sneaky friend nurishing itself from feelings you haven’t payed enough notion to.

So here is my meeting this week:

My guide wrote:  ” I am not seeing any Spiritual Growth still”.

So my Ego woke up immediately and said: “What!?! Doesn’t he see how spiritual you are, how much you have developed through your life, how much you ACTUALLY understand of life????”

My Ego also told me: “Monica, write back immediately to Dan and EXPLAIN!”

So I sat down and I laughed to my Ego and asked with a smile: Where did you get air from? I thought we were done with those things long ago.”

My Ego answered me: “Well, yes, we were. But now when you felt a little stress again, to do the right things according to the MKE course I simply saw my chance to grip that feeling and let it nourish me. I am not strong but I try to get you in action now”

I simply sad to my Ego: “That will never happen, my old friend. And thank you, by the way, for making me alert on you. I think you are best when you sleep your beautysleep”.

I call my Ego “friend” and consider also my ego as a friend, for two reasons. Reason number one is that Ego always makes me alert to feelings that makes me unbalanced because that feelings would grow bigger if I didn’t have Ego as a wakeup call. And Ego wants only nourishment from feelings that stems from fear, feelings which I don’t want to have. Reason number 2 is that if I would resist Ego, that in itself would nourish feelings that makes Ego grow bigger. If I fight back with anger/antagonism and resistance, trying to push Ego down it just show Ego that I am afraid of Ego, so in the end do I only nourish Ego by fighting back.

So this week did I have an interesting encounter with an old friend. Ego has gone back to it’s corner, and I see it sleeping with only one eye, the other eye paying attention to my feelings.

 

Week 3 – Life is running alongside

Started week 3 by getting sick with bad troath and some fever. I still have problems with my voice so I can’t speak much before the voice disappear completely. So instead of doing my homework out loud I shout it out loud in my head – with a lot of enthuuuuuusiasm! (I love that word and I hear Marks voice say it everytime in my head which really inspires me). Enthuuuuuuusiasm!

Although my energi hasn’t been at its best have I managed to do my homework every day and to live my “normal life”.  Yesterday did I travel 2 x 300 km to do a jobinterview, so I got up really early and luckily enough my voice functioned through the whole interview. Today was I first at a company giving massage to the people there and afterwords attended a board meeting. I am a board member in an organisation called (translated to English) “Parents against drugs”. I came in contact with them for many years, maybe 20-25 years ago, and by the time I really needed help, because I was a parent with a child that abused drugs and I didn’t know much about drugs at the time. They really helped me a lot so I have payed back some during the years since then, and 2 years ago needed they badly volunteers to be members of the board. Like me for many years are most parents that have contact with the organisation just exhausted and can’t do much for the organisation even if they want to. I feel very blessed, and also proud, to be able to pay back and help them develope the organisation and do my job in the board so parents of today can have the necessary help they need to handle the difficult situation with a child that is abusing drugs. It’s kind of PIF-thing for me.

I hope to feel better tomorrow so I can go to the clinic where I have my room for massage. I plan to promote myself and give a lot of people my business card so they will know that a very professional massagetherapist just moved to the area :-) .

It has also been an emotional start of the week. Monday night did a friend of mine pass away. I have many friends in Senegal and he was one of them. I use to go to Senegal during wintertime, since 2010, so it has become my “second country” now.

This week is about red cirkles. Every morning do I start the day with red cirkles, because my kitchentable is round with a red cloth and my kitchenlamp is round and red as well. It couldn’t be better start for the day. With enthuuuuuusiasm!

Week 2 – The rocket is still going on!

The pace is still with fire, but slowly I got the feeling of new routines so I am confident that the day-by day life will slow down. I try to find ways to go through with the everyday tasks for my reprogramming my subby. I have my DMP and The Greatest Salesman in my handbag and my computer (a small laptop) with me everywhere so I can read and do what I need wherever I am.

Today was I at the clinic where I rent a room to do massage and healing. I looked at the wall and it hit me: It was covered with blue rectangles. I put them there when I started to rent the room because I wanted some colour and shapes on the white clean walls. And everywhere in my home do I see the colour blue, because that is my favourite colour. I am constantly linking this week!

I am really happy that I don’t have any job as an employee for the moment. I was happy before as well when they couldn’t keep me because it was a stressful job which didn’t make me happy. I called my mother and my friends and I shouted in the phone: Yeah, they terminated everyone today, soon will I be unemployed, yippie! And here I am now with enough time to spent on MKE.

I strongly believe that everything happen when it should happen and that Universe gives you the exact help that you need to continue on your way when you go according to your inner feelings. And since I am a stubborn person sometimes I also know that Universe give you help to put you in the right track if you went to far outside. You just have to be alert and listen to signs and signals. For the moment do I settle with blue rectangles.

Until next week

Peace and Love

Week1- rocketstart!

Wow! The week started off like a rocket. I was visiting my sick mother in the weekend and had just the opportunity to attend at the first webinar. It wasn’t until tuesday that I could take a more close look to all the materialstuff that we got. And it felt like a lot! So I decided to create a weekly structure that gives me an overlook and which I just can copy and modify week by week. I am so satisfied with this now, even if it took longer time than expected.

I am really impressed by all the material we got and the organisation and setup for the whole thing. I am also thrilled about this opportunity to participate and work with my development. It is just about the perfect time for me to do right now.

When I read the Blueprint Builder for the first time did the Words spoke to my inner Chambers of my heart so strong so the tears just came. It was an unexpected feeling and reaction so I just sat there and read it out loud with tears in my eyes. I like when I get such strong reactions because that means to me that it is important to me and that I really have a true chance to change something. You can never change anything about yourself with only words. Your feeelings must be tuched in some way if you want a change that is solid and profound.

Until next week:

PLU (from a abbreviationresister: yes that’s me)