I have moved my blog to http://lydiawillisblog.wordpress.com
Week three was tough. I tell myself I was consumed with getting prepared to run a half marathon that went today. And that very well may have been the case. Partially. A more accurate observation would be resistance. I am definitely feeling the un-comfortableness of change. Physical symptoms are chest constricting and barely able to breathe. Mentally, I was swirling in a pool of doubt and unbelief. Is this even worth it? Will it really work for me? But Og says it will become easier once the habit is formed. So I hold fast to that. And Davene and them says it does work for those who put in one hundred. So I have recommitted to one hundred percent.
This week was tough!! The blueprint I am rewriting that is wired for failure and self – consciousness is rearing up! I STRUGGLED with the homework and all check points have not been completed. But. Today is a new day. Today I am a new woman. Today I have another chance to get things right.
A couple things stood out to me starkly this week.
In the Scroll Marked 1 from The Greatest Salesman by Og Mandino part of the affirmation states “I must discipline myself with the first of my new habits…” Ok yeah yeah yeah…O wait ok so what does that mean? Do I miss the mark because I have not set aside specific time three times a day to check in and complete my exercises? Ya, that’s prolly it. I had previously programmed my phone for check in three times a day, but have gotten in to the habit of ignoring them sooo I am going to need to reset these alarms to reflect the time set a side for MKE exercises.
Also included in this “discipline” is planning out the day. This is a struggle for me and one of the main reasons I know that I have not been very successful in my new existence an entrepreneur. I can come up with 150 excuses. So many things come up during the day and I allow my time to be robbed by inconsistencies and random events that pop up.
There is soo much that comes up in this tiny affirmation in the Scroll Marked I: time management, appreciating each day, forming good habits, rejecting the blueprint of failure, patience…anything else???!
I have 30 days to accomplish all this before the next scroll?? Ahhh!! Do it now… Do it now… Do it now!!!
There are some quite interesting things that run through my mind during “The Sit’. I am all trying to figure out is this a meditation? Can I have music? Why can’t I lounge. O, right I pass out then wake up 15 minutes later LoL!
And then I am thinking ‘What even is a thought?’ Is it the voice in your head that sounds eerily familiar like your very own voice chattering away with commentary of every little thing including it’s own commentary? Or is it the swirl of images flowing and flowing. Old movies watched. Memories. Dreams. Constantly swimming in and out of your consciousness. What about that super sonic freight train of stream of consciousness that by the time you realize you are even aboard it’s minutes and minutes later and you wrack your brain wondering exactly where you got on? And how exactly does one block all of this out??!! Am allowed to shush the voice? Is that still a thought? If I imagine dark-ing out the images with a sponge roller and black paint is that still thinking? Is this exercise to simply be more aware of what I am thinking about? And block those thoughts or re-frame the thinking that is not serving me and my purpose? And yes…I was writing all of this during my 15 minute sit. LoL
I came to this course desperate for an organized way to pull together all the bits and pieces of personal development work I need to complete. Arrived in great need of a daily system to conduct my self as an entrepreneur Every book I have read (or listened to), podcast, YouTube video, conference attended (only one so far) has had action steps necessary to proceed toward greatness and success in life and I have halfway or not even at all attempted to do the steps necessary. Then I got a high fa -lootin idea that oohh if I quit my job I will have more time to work on my biz and participate in self-development. NOT. I now see that in structured organizations and corporate america their systems and processes are already in place. You know exactly what you must do to get your work done and get paid. As an entrepreneur wellll…not so much. And. I. Had. No. Idea. It’s all on me!
The Master Key Part One
I think instinctively we know we must go within and get still to discover answers and obtain direction for our lives. But somehow the knowing of this gets swiped away, swept under the rug of life and buried under the busyness of day to day living. And so as a result we get nowhere and continue to spin the wheels of life gaining zero traction. Until you take the time to get still and go within.
‘Does it count if I fall asleep???’, ‘Ohhh lawd this is going to be a long 15 minutes!’ Were just a couple of the distracting thoughts swirling round in my mind as I began to sit still this week. First day was 9/25/2017. So, ya, I had some meditative music playing in the background on this first day of the 15 min sit, but it did not keep the tendrils of anxiety from creeping around the edges as I began to peer inward. Matter of fact I was downright uncomfortable, squirmy and felt an overall unease with myself. Why? My thoughts were drifting and I began to wonder if I should be focusing on something in particular. For some reason I wrote down feline face (s)… I looked at the time three times!! But. I made it!
Day 2: 9/26/2017
I began to question everything!! LoL ! What does it mean to secure full control of my physical being? What exactly does sit mean? What does it mean to be still? Can I take notes on my thoughts and feelings while I sit in ? My head was itching and my legs were all a twitching, but I made it again!
Day 3: 9/27/2017
Before this course I was having a difficult time imagining my life as I designed in on my vision board and my dream book. In fact I barely looked at these things because I felt angry with them. I am now after only three days able to see myself in some of the clothes I have picked out to wear. I SEE and FEEL the possibility of some business goals I had printed and pasted to my board. I can actually feel what it will be like to reclaim family property that has been lost. As I have been going inward drawing closer to my Creator and participating in the MKE exercises I can feel a physical even metaphysical shift happening in my life. The lines of my original blueprint are being clarified and the cement is being chipped away to reveal the golden child that was covered (yes, perhaps for protection at first, but that protective coating became a prison!!) I am rediscovering the plans that were meant for me and my family. Revealing the light that I was meant to be in this world. I wonder how long this all takes?? I know this class is six months for a reason… ….
Super excited to be on a six month journey to travel inward and bring forth who I am to serve the world. I began my personal development journey in 2012 not really knowing that it was a personal development journey. I had just realized (after yet another heart crushing event) that there was something the matter. Something was missing from my existence and I did not quite know what is was. Why was I always making the same same same dumb-ass detrimental mistakes???! So I began to search my heart, get back in to my faith and be in community with positive and encouraging people. But. Still. Not quite in my right mind. In 2016 I re-discovered Think and Grow Rich and began to devour YouTube videos, TedTalks, books and other such medium to try and put together a system for myself. But I was again missing something and began lamenting about who would be my mastermind. I kept hearing everyone speak of this elusive group and wondering where O where is my mastermind?? And stressing on how will I ever be successful and crawl out of this dungeon without one?? Welp I believe I have found the answer. The Master Key Experience!!!
I tell you it resonated with me that somehow I have a code in my sub that is triggering failure and despair. No matter how much action I am taking to better myself I keep reverting back to what is hardwired and what behavior patterns I am literally addicted to. So I am going deep to rewrite this code. Traveling all the way in to emerge the woman, mom and difference maker I know I was meant to be.
Stay tuned for the For Real first post that journals my first 15 minute sit.