Week 23 – Sneaky sabotage

I can’t believe how fast the weeks are passing. I can barely keep up!

I admire people that manage figure things out during their first time through the MKE or else they’ve done it a few times and I’m one of the first timers!!

Why is it such a challenge to accept the hero’s journey?!!! When it is truly what one wants? The old blue print is such a powerful, sabotaging thing! Why do we do this to ourselves? Refusal of the call to action. It is very frustrating but I obviously need to do a lot more work on myself before it happens. This is something I am willing to do and I will continue to do forever more. I look forward to the day when my time comes.

I have to much more to give and am capable of so much more in life but there is something holding me back…the old blue print I’d say! I really didn’t realise it would be so good at holding me back. Such an odd thing!

Such a combination of things, OPB, Peptides, old habits! You need some serious continuous mental effort to get through it all.

Onwards and upwards no matter how long it takes. It’ll be worth it. I know it!!

Week 22a – Time

My time is not my time at the moment. I am doing my best to use it wisely. There have been many days where I am short on my readings but my time is being given elsewhere and I am giving it with love.

I am aware that I am more frustrated at the moment and really aware of my mental diet. Thankfully I am aware as I can only imagine it would be a disaster otherwise!

I’d love to have more positive things to share with you but I can only be honest. I cannot pretend but I keep trying and moving forward.

I will get through this and I will never stop this journey of self development. It’s the only way! I know all of this and the MKMMA has had a huge influence on my life. I may not be able to see it yet but there are glimpses of hope and I understand how this works. I just need to keep believing and things will work out.

Week 22 – Snow week

What an amazing week of snow we have had this week. Absolutely crazy weather that we are not use to here in Ireland. Snow storms, red alert weather warnings and pyjama days. Such a crazy experience!

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Had lots of time to spend with the family and a much needed rest that I think everyone needed!

Last weeks web cast was very interesting. Can you imagine how amazing things will be when we master the art of using fear and everything associated with it as a tool. Such an exciting analogy to get our heads around…well mine anyway. I so look forward to understanding how to master that skill. Something I really need to get my head around, sooner rather than later. The concept is amazing. I am very excited about it. Lots of work to be done!

I am definitely going to re-watch Week 22 webcast again. Very powerful stuff in there. I look forward to what the coming weeks hold for me :)

Week 21 – The roller coaster continues…

I never really talk about any topic in particular. I’ve never written a blog before so I tend to just waffle on about whatever MKE related things have been going on throughout the week.

But this week I feel the need to talk about mental health. Now, I’m not going to get into a huge long discussion but more of a vent or a…..I don’t really know what. I am struggling to find the right words.

2 people in my family, an in-law and a sibling suffer from mental health issues. I know a few people but these 2 are right inside the core of my life.

One of them is such a lovely person and is really struggling at the moment. Has done for the past 6 or 7 years but this time round seems to be more aware of what is going on. The other is the complete opposite. A very narcissistic and selfish person who thrives on destroying peoples lives. Is desperately trying to destroy my family but to no avail. Nothing could sway us or come between us. Unfortunately it is a constant in our lives and has been for the best part of 3 years, progressively getting worse and worse. The details don’t really matter…they are quite hard to believe at the best of times and sometimes I pinch myself and think, is this all real?!?!!! And then I remember, Oh yes, it is indeed!

I have the most amazing family, friends and partner so that helps immensely and my children are the most amazing distractions one has ever come across!

Like I said, my sibling is an amazing, caring person that is going through such a tough time and fortunately and unfortunately, everyones actions have consequences. It has been very challenging for the whole family.

The most upsetting part is the severely poor, incapable and detrimental Mental Health services that we have here in Ireland. My heart goes out to anyone that has to avail of it and especially the families that are involved too. It is so distressing and very scary at times because from years of experience at this point, they are not a safe place and do not serve the purpose they are supposed to serve. So when you have a loved one that is distressed and needs help, you don’t really have anywhere to go.

I don’t really know what else to say apart from this is really hard. I am desperately trying to get my readings done and keep up my enthusiasm. It is always on my mind, which is good.

There is light at the end of the tunnel and I’ll just keep going till I get there.

Week 20 – Life is like a roller coaster!

What a week and I’m a week behind on my blog. It’s the first time that has happened so I am glad it’s not a regular occurrence.

Life is really, desperately trying to get in the way of everything. It coming at me from all angles and sometimes…more often than not at the moment, I am cornered and have no where to escape from it all.

At least I can work on my thoughts no matter where I am or whatever situation I am in. Although I really am feeling tested, from all angles. I am getting in the readings that I can but I feel so mentally drained at the moment I can barely think and come the end of the day, its over for me. Pure mental exhaustion! I would take physical exhaustion over mental exhaustion any day. I am not so lucky at the moment. This is just a rough patch and I’ll get through it!

 

Week 19 – Things are a little brighter :)

This week things are a little better. I am managing to get most of my reading in on a daily basis. Sometimes my morning read doesn’t happen till much later in the day but I usually manage to catch up.

I have not fallen asleep during my sits more often than I have fallen asleep so that is a positive. Its quite nice to be able to have a longer though process and visualisation. Every time I picture my lovely kitchen in the house we are going to build it gets clearer and the rest of the house is slowly creeping in too. I have a lot of catching up to do in that respect. Mainly for falling asleep, not because I wasn’t doing it…bar a few instances! Anyway, it’s nice to feel like I’m moving forward even if only a tiny bit. I will keep at it and I so look forward to the days where my sits are full of inspiration and vivid pictures.

To be honest I am struggling with my Franklin makeover sheet :( I was really looking forward to developing these characteristics in the way that we are learning. They are all things which I either need to improve on or absolutely acquire! Most days I completely forget during the day to be looking out for my word of the week and then it get to the end of the day and I look at my sheet and I’m racking my brains for things so I can put dots down. Certain ones are more straight forward and I can recall the odd situation but more of them, for me anyway, are a little less straight forward. Things that you really need to be looking out for and being in the moment with it. I will keep going with it and I will just start back at the beginning whenever the weeks are finished and I’ll go for a much more productive round 2. That doesn’t mean I am not going to push through this round but I know myself, I am not happy with the way things have gone with it so far so really need to make it happen next time round!

I am going to a local personal development event tomorrow with 5 of Irelands top coaches, which I am very excited about! I don’t actually know who any of them are but their Bio’s are extremely interesting and I’m sure I will get great value from it. Its the entire day so looking forward to being immersed in fantastic content and being surrounded my like minded people. Cannot wait!

Week 18 – The OBP sneaking in again!!

I am really finding it difficult to keep up with everything. For some reason it seems harder now than it did before. I don’t know if its my Old Blue Print trying to sneak back in….that’s probably what it is realistically!

I find that most days I get about 2 sets of readings done and I’m chasing the last set. I am exhausted at the moment and keep falling asleep early in the evenings and still having stuff to do. I wake up the next day feeling bad I didn’t complete the previous day and then try to snap myself out of it and think about the things I Did complete.

The statement “What would the person I intend to become do next” is so powerful and I can feel the “fear” (Old Blue Print) creeping in and filling my head with crap! I will get past all of this. I’m sorry my blogs are not more positive but I can’t pretend. I need to be honest.

There are good things happening too, don’t get me wrong so I will think of those as much as possible until I get past the rest of it!

 

Week 17 HJ – Time to pull up my socks!

Well, last week was a bit of a right off for me unfortunately! I was in LA for a training convention for a couple of days and I found quite hard to keep on top of my reading and exercises. I brought everything with me, books, notes, filled index cards, blank index cards and had all the best intentions but it did not go as I had planned at all at all!!

I felt really bad about it but as always, I try not to beat myself up about things, because we all know…..what is the point in that?!!! Get back on top of things and move forwards not backwards.

I know I have been slipping away recently and I’m assuming because I’m afraid of succeeding. As per usual. That is my main fear. It’s surprisingly difficult to get past and I am desperately trying to change that. I know if I don’t give all the exercises my fullest attention and efforts I’ll just be stuck here forever and that is absolutely not what I want. It’s such a funny (NOT ha ha funny) situation. Those peptides are stronger than ever, my oh my!

I will get past this. I am moving forward. I need to give myself credit too. Looking back over the past few months, I have progressed. Even if it is at a snails pace, its still happening and I am greatful for it. Time to give myself what I deserve, Happiness!!

Week 17 – Next week is going to be better!

I would like to have a little more inspiration to share with you this week but unfortunately I don’t. The week has run away from me. I am finding it a bit challenging to think of my word of the week every day. I find the day goes by and I’ve completely forgotten. And the thing is I put the ones I really need to work on for myself at the start and they are the ones I have forgotten about. I don’t know if I should do 2 at once to make up for it or just continue the weeks and get back to those ones….not sure what way I am going to do it. I am hopeful that next week will be better.

I have also slipped on the kindness section. I had great intentions to keep it up but the week has just slipped through my fingers. Again, next week is going to be better.

I enjoyed reading the Master Keys part 17 this week. I managed most of my sits without falling asleep and some sent me into a coma!! I am extra tired at the moment so I find it difficult to even read it without nodding off at times. Again, next week is going to be better!

Looking forward to the beginning of the HJ…Hero’s Journey. That is the key to the vault, which is there for the taking. For ALL of us! :)

Week 16 – Kindness and Colour Code

So, this week so far has been quite lovely. It is so nice to be aware of kindness everywhere and to really make an effort to be kind to everyone too. It’s amazing how much kindness you actually see when you open your eyes and your mind. It’s like, when we are looking for it, actively looking for it, it really pushes out our opinionated thoughts or negative thoughts and desperately tries to only see the good in everyone and everything.

I’ve really enjoyed sharing in the alliances area and seeing everyone else’s kindnesses being received and being given and also when people reply to my comments, it really makes me feel good too so it’s all round a great experience.

I also enjoy the Franklin makeover. Every evening before I go to bed I sit there with pen to paper writing in my dots and every day it increases and I have to think about it less and less. And also you start realising all these tiny little kindnesses that you took for granted were actually and are actually around you all the time. What a lovely realisation and such a lovely thing to do right before you go to bed!

Another thing I did today was I finally got my full Colour Code personality test which was also discounted by 10 dollars to my surprise, which I was very greatful for!! An added kindness to the day :) Well this has been something I’ve been meaning to do for a long time but to be honest, just completely forgot about it. There was a second, fairly dominant colour that I’ve been wondering about. And now, I finally know and it actually makes sense….of course!! I wish I did it sooner but do you know what, now was probably the right time for me to do it and Not sooner! So, I am predominantly a Yellow, which I already knew and also a big chunk of Red.

 

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I really am very glad that I did the whole test because I really think this will help me learn more about myself a bit sooner than I might have without it. I’m sure I would have gotten there eventually but how great is it that I might be able to speed up the process!

Lots to read and learn on top of everything else but I look forward to it!