Today was a challenge to write.
Undoubtably because I have something so wonderful to share!!
Tonight I was at the kickoff of my conference weekend with my mom travel company. i was no doubt reminded of the grace God has shown me through the years.
Our teacher/ speaker, Mark, spoke hit home, ” what would your canvas look like if god wasn’t part of it”?
11 years ago I started a journey. God saved me from my torment… from my Mess of a life… Only the wound isn’t so fresh now a days and I kinda forgot how blessed, favored and thankful I am.
The Lord and I teamed up and turned my life around the minute I gave him permission to help me paint my canvas and I am forever thankful.
So as I pursue this project, as I lay the foundation of my canvas for my next year -10, I vow to keep the lord in my thoughts and I absolutely have faith that with his help and guidance my life will be the masterpiece he has willed to me.
I am blessed and highly favoured.
I did it. I made huge progress this week in my tasks.
Here we go.
This is awesome! As soon as I started really tackling what felt like my mountain of procrastinated obligations (as opposed to just doing the bare minimum the last few weeks) my anxiety subsided and I feel at peace and I have to be honest it wasn’t a mountain. I just felt like it looking at it.
I even thought I had more to do then I did! I thought I had to revise my DMP again this week and when I spoke to my guide she said “no you turned yours in early this week”!! And she was right! I did!! But I didn’t even realize that I had! I guess that’s the whole point of this! We just start doing these things and pushing further until it gets easy. I’m so thankful I didn’t quit last week!!
I know I have what it takes to get this done. Yay!!
This week I thought about quitting..
I decided to listen to my voice of reason. “Commit for 6 more weeks before you can even think of backing out.” “Ok” lol .. a summery of the conversation that went on in my head..
I’ve never really been a quitter. I know I got this. I gotta face it, it’s “easy” to live in the comfort of familiar.
So I’ve made a promise to myself. No more half assing this. I have not been digging deep like I had intended when I started this. And it’s not over until I win. My future depends on it.
Tonight I’m finishing strong! I’m excited about tomorrow and checking off all my assignments knowing that I passed the first temptation to quit.
I can do it!
So it’s been 1 week at my inlaws..
I realize how much I need the masterkeys.
Since I’ve been here I haven’t been following the system. I have been covering the bare minimum and procrastinating at that. I could tell you all my excuses but it doesn’t justify it. Long story short these relationships need work or I need distance!!
I’ve been thinking and thinking about what to write about because I really wanted to write about positive things. Maybe even pretend I’m having an amazing time. Like I said before I have a hard time being vulnerable. I can’t stand when people who don’t know me ask if I’m ok and I don’t know any of you… but it’s funny because last week I didn’t want some of the people who know and love me reading my blog or my DMP. Go figure. Oh the walls that I built to “protect” myself. Proves to me even more I need this.
“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” – Brené Brown
…and so my journey into the masterkeys starts..
Today I’m riding in passenger seat through the mountains, heading to Summerland, BC. That’s not like me you know. I’m usually the one who has to be in control. Not today.. And so I’ve been thinking. I hate vulnerability… well only when it’s mine. As I take my first steps in the program, I’m scared of the armor coming off that’s served me so long. I even find myself cringing thinking that someone in my family might be looking over my shoulder reading what I’m writing. It makes me anxious. Which brings me to something I read in a book the other day.
“Anxiety is the experience of growth itself. Anxiety that is denied makes us ill. Anxiety that is fully confronted and fully lived through converts itself into Joy, Security, Strength, Centredness and character. The practical formula is to go where the pain is.” -Peter Custinba
So that’s where I’m headed.. I am about to tear down some walls with some like minded souls.. DIG DEEP!! Let’s get to the good stuff!!
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