I am writing my post for week 7 just after the webbinar of week 8. So late and yet I am so happy for the new exciting discovery. Yeeeyyyyy, I got another tiny little piece of my puzzle and that makes me happy like a kid
This webbinar was exactly what I needed to be back on track with enthousiasm. Thank you Mark and Davene for such an inspiring speach !
The truth is that this week was a bit challenging, with some ups and downs. I’ve been searching all days for that positive thing to inspire me, fill me with enthousiasm and make me dig dipper inside of me for the kid I burried there . That’s why I’ve been so late writing about my journey.
The piece of the puzzle was there every moment and I’ve been aware about it but not grateful enough to understand it. It was in the “Start Over” moments of my Mental Diet. I started over so many times I lost their count. And each time I was getting stronger and more willing to fight against that state of mind where you feed your angry peptides. Each time I observed faster and more in detail how these parazite thoughts were making their nids in my mind. I observed the “big elephants” and after few days of trying to be clean-thought, the more subtiles ones, the ants on the back of the elephants.
Negative thaughts are like mosquitos during a summer night. They suck you, don’t let you rest but you don’t want to wake up and chase them because you are trying to stay confy in your bed and to have a good sleep. That’s not a good sleep and you will wake up in the morning full of bites to scratch.
Even if I didn’t succeeded yet my 7 days clean (today was the best day so far), I became much more aware about how many “mosquitos” are disturbing me and how good I can be when I put some effort to chase them out of my mind. And yes, sometimes it requires a bit of effort. Even though you try to think at something else, “the mosquitos” are there, preparing to attack again. You need another though as strong as the negative one to chase them for good. The index card are just the miracle pil that works every time for me.
I will do my best this week so I can write my next post whitouth having another “Start over” in the meantime. Plus, I’ve notice that when I keep a positive mental attitude, kind feedbacks from others are popping all the time making it easier.
This week I had the first manifest of my new Blueprint. It was so interesting to notice the mental process that determinates how I perceive the world.
We are generaly so used with our way of thinking that we do not observe the origin of our thoughts and their impact in our behavior. They just sneak into our heads and make the things happen, letting us belive that it is all about the world withouth. I realized suddenly this week that I used to (and I still do, hey my Blueprint is far to be built yet – the plans are currently in the hands of the architect ) pass my thoughts through a filter of insecurity just to prepare myself mentally for a possible failure. And that “What if” hidden on the background of my thoughts is pulling all the strings, generating fear and eating my self confidence. It was not easy to become aware about it because I am generally a positive and open person, assuming my Red color personality and doing the things on my own way.
This week, I was on my way to a lindy hop dance event when Fear and her best friend-Insecurity knocked at the door. And I left them waitting in the cold until they were gone. The evening was just like a fairy tale and I really felt it was influenced by the set up of my mind.
My goal now is to teach my mind to keep the door close for these 2 unwilling friends in order to stop them sneaking into my World Within . If I can do this with all the things happening in my life and not just with a fun social evening that would be good anyway, witouth to much effort, then I can really be what I will to be !
Benjamine Clementine – Condolence
The exercice of Hanel from this week is from far my favorite and the most astonishing I did until now. I think I start to gett it or I found a key piece to match in my puzzle. A big puzzle with tiny little pieces that will lead me to the little child I left alone inside of me, who knows when ?!? I am wondering if that little child is getting bored, or angry or sad or she feels abandoned. “Hang out you little, I am comming back after you !”
We all had that morning when we wake up after a nice dream and we start the day with a bonus of happines. We probably don’t remember what our dreams were about but we keep inside that feeling of satisfaction. It can happen the same with a nightmare unfortunately. We wake up miserable and grateful it was just a dream. This kind of dreams we cannot control (at least from what I know). Either are happy, either not.
With Hanel exercice, I can dream whatever I want, wheneaver I want. Of course I chose to create a dear image that is in my Dharma and waiting to materialize. I worked on that sensation of satisfaction that manifest first in my neck and shoulders. Then it goes deeper inside and transforms into a feeling. Feeling of achievement and satisfaction. How it feels to be already there, in your dream. It is so constructive to focus not on a mental thought but on the feeling created by that thought in your body. I take this exercice like a child game. That type of game when you build your reality to fit the character you play. I don’t even do it with the only purpose to materialize it but for the sake of that sweet moment. Of course, if I look back, most of the things I asked from life, showed up in a form. So I trust that this mental image that accompanied me during this week is just a teaser of what my life will be. And a daily bonus of happiness.
First month in MKS and I am still very grateful to take part in this journey. I don’t know what blowed my mind the most from the new informations I got this month : the law of substitution, the story about peptides, identifying the “cement” in my life, knowing that a good habbit can simply remplace a bad one, knowing that fear can turn of the light inside you or the fact that I finally learned to meditate and to control my thoughts. This month I felt spoiled and showered with positive energy. Plus, I just came back for a short holiday to find the Welcome post card from MKSMMA. I was so nicely impressed.
I keep on thinking about this law of substituion. The story that I chose to think of when negativity is knocking the door is one so dear to me. It happened when I was an adult but it was actually a window to the kid inside me. I felt that same “the magic exist” that we have when we are kids, innocents and naives.
Looking back, the last few months of my life were probably the most difficult I have ever lived and all my natural self trust was collapsing like a domino. I knew that I had to do something in order to build that self trust again and to eliminate the fear. Now I am congratulating myself and my friend, Dominica – who recommended me this course for stepping into this program. Only one month past but I feel already like a future butterfly. Yet into the process of eating “leaves” to grow strong and big but knowing that a beautiful butterfly will break the larva from the inside as soon as it will be ready. Until then, I am excited to stay attached to this changing mind work in progress.
Hello again, after 2 weeks. Yes, in skipped the second week and yes, I was overwhelmed but hey, I did all other homeworks and I am proud of it. Insted of getting bored of reading the same thing over and over again, I got more attentive and more curious about the changes.
I am more and more excited about the new Me that starts showing at the end of the tunnel. It is still far away but it is there, I can see it.
I am greatful that finally I learned to meditate, to stop the toughts and to sweep them when they come. For so long already I was trying to meditate and each time I was waking up during my meditation, with the mind catched in something very ordinary and often negative. I thaught that meditation is just not for me. After just 3 weeks, I made the click and it is a pleasure now to make the exercice. Of course, my mind still roam every time but I can get back into the very present more easy and for longer now.
It is so easy and fast to insert negative thoughts in our brains and once they are there, they grow big and strong and they spread with the speed of the wind. In fact they are feeding with our conservation instinct and I will let bellow a very nice video that explains it well. Sometimes you don’t keep the exact negative story that you heard-saw or read but you keep the feeling generated by that negativity that you got into contact. And so, you start seeing the empty side of the glass, the negative part of the person in front of you. You see a person throught your own filters so why not putting a positive one. Not a naive but a positive. Like searching the very small thing that you appreciate in someone that you use to totally dislike before.
Why I write in my post about negativity? Because after I kept my promise to me and I radically diminished Facebook, I realised how much negativity I was absorbing. You open media and more then half of the informations are negative. Then you get used to and you don’t realize it so much anymore but you keep a heavy feeling. Sometimes you are not conscious about it but it is there. That is what it happened with me I think. I am happy I realized it. Now I can focus on the filled side of the glass.
Why we are addicted to negativity
So here am I, after 4 days of determination, writing the very first thing on my blog. This week was a bit confusing with all of the documents to read and to understand. Knowing that this is a 6 months journey with daily tasks, my brain was searching already for a rutine. So I spent the whole day of Monday reading the documents and trying to understand what do I have to do with BPB er, how to write my DMP and what else I need to do. In the end, after some frustrating time, all the things got way clear and I made them one by one. Luckily I was quite free those days so I could do them as soon as I wanted.
The first good thing I made so far is to understand how much the “ciment” and “procrastination” make you fail by falling into comodity. Right now, one of the ciments in my life is Facebook. Once you are conected, you just spent some “relaxation” time, scrolling on your Timeline for the life of others. This feels good somehow because you don’t need to much brain for it, there are new things to descover and you keep updated about the people around you. But very fast, your brain just get numbed and you get to confortable in this innactive action. I belive this confortable feeling is very dangerous.
So this week, I proposed for myself to reduce Facebook and to focus more on the practical things that I use to procrastinate. So far, I made some progress and let’s see how much better will be going in the next weeks.
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