Week 11… old blueprint nearly got me!

Hats off to having guides in MKMMA! I am adjusting some priorities and giving myself the ok to modify down time involvements to stay the course.  And reading Scroll lll with persistence as the theme rather nailed me too! Do I really want to delay my DMP? NO!!!

Want to note that  once the drive for getting check marks on my extensive, “no one could get all that done in a day list” was shallow to what I am experiencing from my Service/Promise card weekly actions. Something about liking my future self to take the time today to do something towards that action really has deep meaning…it’s a very affirming positive “I care about you Cheri” kind of a meaning. Then once its done- wow that linking to keeping my promise is powerful!

Ok that it, as its time now for OG!

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Week 10… saying bye.

Awoke yesterday actually aware that I was saying good-bye to Scroll II! I was intrigued by that awareness. It’s been a good month as I have seen way more love in my heart show up in situations more “naturally” especially with the “challenging” personalities and even situations.

When I first read the affirmation MKE 9-24 “I am whole, perfect…” I thought “nope not going to use perfect” as I am a recovering perfectionist and have spent a ton of internal work letting go and celebrating doing well, being ok with “its good enough”. Then somewhere I read about perfect cells in my body so I have added that back as those I do want perfect!  I really like to position of 9-25 “Whatever you desire for yourself, affirm it for others, and it will help you both.  We reap what we sow.”  Believe that works lovely with “give more, get more.”

Then in 9-26 “…scientist declare that we build ourselves over entirely every eleven months…” that stopped me as exactly 11 months ago I decided that a certain adult in my life was not going to get to drive me “crazy”.  First, I started to give her feedback on kinder ways of speaking to me, that I no longer needed to be told how to do things. And yes, that did not go well!  So I decided ok, I will just keep my mouth shut and say nothing.  Well, I said agitated things silently and that was no fun either.  Next was the practice of letting go, how important is it really, she clearly has stated at 83 she is not changing for anyone so that meant I GET to do the changing.  Changing I have done. It is really grounding to experience that kind of growth!!

This set the stage for MKE 10-1 “Abundance is a natural law of the Universe.”  As I have read I have found myself looking at the evidence around me of nature’s abundance.  How blessed I already am with what I have in my life and the relationships as well. I posted on work space 10-3 “… enables man to plan courageously and execute fearlessly.” These are really empowering words worthy of “say aloud” for me.

Earlier this week, I was passing through a room where mom does watch Netflix when I heard these words-” I promise… I always keep my promises!!” No joke, I asked for the TV wand and reversed to listen 3x to confirm I heard this correctly! ( was in series Cedar Cove).  Crazy how MKMMA shows up in the world around!!

This may well be my last blog post as I have struggled with a very difficult decision for the  past 4 weeks. Evidence from completing an assessment of my 168 hr/week with the times needed for my responsibilities as caregiver/ personal & home tasks/ business building/ MKMMA actions etc. I was short real hours of nearly 8-9 every day. Clearly, I have chomped off more than I can chew.  Job #1 right now is being on assignment as the designated caregiver for our mom.  Through MKMMA, I have become extremely clear about my future so building  MLM towards that  identified PPN Autonomy and Liberty, I have been aware of what actions I need to be engaged in.  Each week I have fallen behind, obviously! My mind’s eye sees rocks on a flat plate, every evening I confirm with my calendar what I have on the next day (keeping my “compass” evident, then the next day, other rocks get dropped on my plate pushing off what I thought was going to get done. My business has suffered as those rocks have been pushed off too.  Scrambling has become a physical norm and finally this week with a slip and fall, I  admitted to hearing my  body screaming  “something HAS to be paused”.  Saying goodbye for now is the last thing I really want but as long as I am in this role I have to honor this season as it will be a short one according to the medical doctors – less than a year for her.

To have an ok with this tough decision, I am committing to continuing the reading pattern with GS, DMP,  Service cards, shapes and I am going to venture back into Go90Grow to the Hero’s Journey.

SO as you go forward, I will be cheering you on! Trusting that you will “graduate” and live out your DMPs!  Mine, it will happen too, just in a different timing pattern.   All the best!!

Week 9… slowly soaking in.

What do you find yourself doing when you need to process? Me?… I will be doing a mindless physical task. This past Monday I was leaf blowing the fallen leaves from the patio and sidewalks. Then I had an idea about the gazillion fallen acorns in the ornamental grass- wondering how close does the blower need to be to move those little things. Why? Because in the spring, many of those acorns take root and must be hand pulled out of the bed! (Set the stage a little, this is my mother’s yard and “her way” of doing things. Every spring she gets her garden stool and moves it through the bed pulling the young saplings- multiple times.) Cheri’s “way”, just deal with them now and reduce the hours in the spring of removing them. WOW! I had some insight in that moment. This is exactly what I am doing with the 7 Day Mental diet, the sits and the reading- giving back to me in the future.  So being a good student, I grabbed my phone & earbuds and listened to myself read my DMP, BPP. GS, and Service cards as I proceed to leaf blow the acorns OUT!

At 84 yrs. (and sickly) mother “decided” to give up driving. I have a new role, her designated driver.   Of course, I do not drive like she did, do not take the same routes to destinations as she did, and she must enjoy complaining about the way others drive as well.  “Lord, is there any humor here to help me!” became a whisper last week. Did you ever watch the movie Driving Miss Daisy? I now have my humor to let the rest just roll off!! (No idea how to make this work so will return tomorrow after watching the Digital video again and see what I am missing- too frustrated after four tries with same results! =). Took me 40 min watching clips to find this one!! Hats off to your bloggers that add videos!- I did give it a go! check mark!)

Reading GS this week- what jumped out for me many times are the following:

“… Always I dig for reasons to applaud; never I scratch for excuses to gossip. When I am tempted to criticize I bit on my  tongue; when I am moved to praise I shout from the roofs.”

“Is it not so that birds, the wind, the sea and all nature speaks with the music of praise for their Creator? Cannot I speak with the same music to His children? Henceforth, I remember this secret and it change(s) my life.”

Then “…love is also my shield to repulse the arrow of hate and the spears of anger. Adversity and discouragement beat(s) against my new shield and become as the softest of rains. My shield protect(s) me… and sustain(s) me when I am alone.”

I am appreciating the “soaking” in of the words I am focusing on daily, how much awareness that I did not have before to the impact of my inner world to defining my outer world and even how I respond or react in the outer world from a place of my inner world.

 

Week 8… resistance!

This is the second week that my blog is falling into the “last minute window”! The interesting aspect is that once I start the writing process… I enjoy what comes together. I think and observe all week, making notes of “blog” thoughts. Something happens when it comes time on Wed. or Thurs. (my calendar evenings goals) and honestly…I believe I procrastinate or at least recognize there is resistance.  This is not a new awareness and curious to it’s not budging yet.

This week, I really struggled daily with thoughts “just quit” and it has been a tough week emotionally for me as well. The time change with less sun shine daily along with some dreary days really made for a week of challenge.  Keeping the 7 Day Mental Diet of not holding negative thoughts plus keeping my opinions to “live and let live” took most of my thinking time!!

An interesting observation was that after the original recording assignment last week with modulation 6-12 sec pause of my DMP; it annoyed me to listen to it! As though my brain was irritated by the music when listening to the words or reversed that the words distracted from the music. So after 3 attempts to listen & becoming irritated, I recorded the straight reading to music of my DMP, Scroll II, Promise cards. That decision served me well this week.  I could listen to them frequently to distract myself for thinking of quitting.  (afternote: tonight I jogged the block with my pup and tried the modulation reading again- it worked! Guess I needed the really physical movement!)

I have been under lining thoughts that jump out at me or that I want to be certain to read repeatedly from the MasterKey.

8-4 “… Mental habits are difficult to control, but it can be done and the way to do it is to begin at once to substitute constructive thoughts for destructive thoughts. …quotation from George Matthews Adams, “Learn to keep the door shut, keep out of your mind, out of your office, and out of your world, every element that seeks admittance with no definite helpful end in view”!  My big challenge, are the people around me that have not grasped this concept that keep hurling  words that are destructive my way. This is a season of learning that regardless of what others select to focus their thoughts upon, I get to learn how to keep my inner world at peace.

Here is where my reading of GS of Scroll II without the “will” has had profound impact on me…I  greet this day with love in my heart…When I am tempted to criticize, I bite my tongue (its recovering thank you!); when I am moved to praise, I shout from the roofs.”

I look for the upside these day when in conversation with the downside viewers, it’s great practice!

 

Week 7…so many thoughts!

I do enjoy a new habit, in the past half decade, I have taken my birthday month to reflect on relationships. Which ones are working well, what am I contributing to those relationships to maintain the emotionally healthy growth path counter to the ones that have gone before me. I see myself as a hinge pin changing the direction of generations of really poor communicators.  The role of daughter care giver to an 83 year old mother, who often states “I’m 83 and not changing who I am for any one!!!… I have a “right” to state my mind!” and then the different way I am relating to my adult kids of 28 and 32 years old, of letting them ask for information rather than pushing my opinions on them. Let me state, I am doing a good job now of listening lots and talking little and inviting them to learn with me how to navigate emotionally healthy adult to adult relationships.

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The readings from Scroll II have been touching a deeper place in my soul this week. To be in the habit of NOT offering my opinions any longer (wink!) and living with someone who does… greeting each day “with love in my heart.” and reading that 3x’s is changing my thought world! I especially enjoy the last sentence each time too: “I will greet this day with love in my heart, and I will succeed!!!

Forgiveness… not easy process for many of us. Many different reasons why that is so as well. What I have discovered for myself, holding on to unforgiveness towards another being who has caused me harm, keeps me trapped and entangled with that perpetrator. Let alone the darkness of soul and health that suffers. With the help of a wise friend, I began to awaken to the true power of forgiveness… it actually sets me free. My holding unforgiveness does absolutely NOTHING to the other person. I realized what over turns the pain I suffer is forgiving. Becoming willing to forgive was my first step, then slowly I began to make the decision to forgive. And I said that repeatedly, “I choose to forgive… I choose to let go and live.” Then it became…”You are forgiven and I am set free!”. Honestly, I never ‘felt’ like saying that- I just did it. My wise friend had walked before me and I knew her horrible story and she is one of the most vibrant free people I know. I wanted that same freedom more than the deception that if I held onto the unforgiveness I could punish the perpetrator! What a lie!! Now, I keep short accounts. I reflect through each day with God and take inventory. Make my amends and choose to live with forgiveness. I certainly have been forgiven much and I am not the one that will ultimately bring judgement.

This work, these exercises, the readings, all are giving me the opportunity and the tools to grow like never before. I decided to trust this team at MKMMA that they too had done the “process” taught it to many before me and like someone has said “the proof is in the pudding” (anyone know the origin of the saying??).

I used the visual of a farmer planting a seed in my sits early on to help bring focus. In the past, I really enjoyed planting large gardens so I could feel the moist organic dirt and its dirty smells. With the reading of Master Keys, 7-27 : “We must plant the seed and leave it undisturbed. This does not mean that we are to sit down and do nothing, by no means; we will do more and better work than we have ever done before, new channels will constantly be provided, new doors will open; all that is necessary is to have an open mind, be ready to act when the time comes.”  This week I kept feeling like I was always behind, not making progress, forgetting something in a different order etc, and the seed came to mind many times. Down in the dark dank dirt, what takes place from the moisture that may seem to be rotting the outer skin of the seed only to be making a way for the shoot to begin to expand beyond the limits of the outer seed shell. It would be easier to sit and do nothing. Let the seed just rot and become absorbed back into the organic soil. But by golly, I WANT what my seed is destined to become. So I am going to keep moving though the “darkness” trusting the end results will be more than I can imagine or rather become what I am stating and believing my purpose to be. I am already more of my purpose than I was 7 weeks ago!

 

Week 6… linking is occuring.

I am enjoying observing how linking of colors and shapes are occurring spontaneously at times this week. The reading that I am committed to each day has become more than a “check mark” of completing. Words return in phrases in conversation totally non-MKMMA related and yet I hear myself saying more and more that has less and less opinions linked. More curiosity is expressed when I bump into challenges. With my daily reading of The Worlds Greatest Salesman’s- the chapter change to Scroll 11 with a brief sentence summary of Scroll 1 was like bringing an old friend to visit with a brand new friend!

We were invited to create a Movie Poster that reflects our DMP (Definite Major Purpose)- with some very specific elements in the poster. Fun how this visual says so much to me beyond what you may notice upon seeing the poster. Look forward to discoverying what I have yet to add…right now this is a work in progress.

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Tomorrow is my birthday and I am taking the weekend away from parent care giving to do something fun and spontaneous with my cousin-like-a-sister. She has planned the weekend in a city that is half way for us both and then the weather has now changed so we just laughed and said: it will be what it will be! I have all my reading and completed my other assignments today or rather now! My intent is to be very present and in the moment. Enjoy the visual, all the smells (she has great clean eating place on the agenda), and the wonderful treasure of friendship. Oh, I have my PPN’s & shapes in my car ready for the trip too!

Week 5…life like a seed in the dark earth

This week I have been very disciplined to not leave my room until the morning with honor & tangible requirements  had been completed! As I have struggled for weeks to fit all into my day, a few actions have fallen short. There are no fluff hours that I can replace as I had already removed what I could. The assignments have all felt heavy to me… more to do than I was getting done. Then I realized that my area of strength is not reading, writing especially with my life long learning difference what takes some 1 hr takes me 1.5-2 hrs.+ and I have accepted that fact and make allowance to give myself the time needed. Therefore, even though I have not daily completed all, I have been celebrating the discipline of embracing what I do complete. Then my current lifestyle as care giver for my mom (lets say it is emotionally draining not just physical demands) leaves me looking for my “sit” time as what comes out of that time has been so refreshing for me both mentally and physically.

With the above, I would describe it has heavy, weighty on me. In my sit yesterday after my time of thinking of my favorite spot, I remembered using the visual of a farmer planting a seed to help me be focused in other sits months back. Suddenly, I found myself asking, “wonder what it is like to be a seed, in dark moist perhaps stinky dirt, ‘knowing’ it is intended for greater good than being in the dark dirt. How it must ‘hurt’ to burst out of the outer seed shell, to know it has a higher purpose even though its not tangibly visual at this point. Something calls that seed to ‘grow’ into what it has been called to be! BAM! I got it! That’s the journey I am pursuing. For years, I have just been sitting in the dirt, acting content but not really, knowing there was more. Just not taking the risk to discover and then the tenacity to push into the unknown and just “grow”.

Today, I embrace the “hard” and just be faithful to the process doing my very best each day (I spent the last 2 weeks staying up way later just to squeeze it all in- sacrificing my sleep.) Now, I have started getting up much earlier so the quiet of the morning before the households starts stirring is becoming my “do it now!” time.  This honors both, my sleep need and the work I am engaging in for a better joyful me. The reading of my DMP x3 daily has me now thinking throughout the day of snap shots of the future filled with beyond the manifestation of my DMP. I am “feeling” what it will be like, more than I anticipated! And there is this underlying sense that it will be more than I can imagine!!

Week 4… what the Og Mandino reading is working

I enjoyed the speed reading class last Saturday.  Silly how simply just moving your head slightly while reading with a “pointer” makes the process really go faster plus I retain more than I realized I would. Moving the head, not automatic… catch myself into the read before I start moving my head slightly. You know what comes to my thoughts?? It’s not kind to me, it sounds a bit scolding. Suddenly, I am more aware of the “habit” of scoffing at myself for oversights, for forgetting, for multi-tasking circles (does not work for me) or anything less than what I want for the outcome. SOOO I am replacing that bad habit with kindness, laughter, gratitude to myself to keep going “you are doing good”; “hey, you caught yourself, way to go!”

The reading at noon, happens more with whenever I stop for lunch mid-day. I have recorded myself reading too and play that when I am in the car on errands to practice focus on the words that I am listening to. I take in my voice which has been a good.

Enjoying the “world within” cleaning up that has continued since the spring exposure through Go90Grow.  I read the Master Key Experience with underlining most as they are really generating deeper thinking…checking in with my thoughts that have been repeated for years. Now I am questioning them more often and rephrasing. Seeing the world without a bit better these days. Way more clear on what is mine and what is others! Finding myself more observer and less “judging”- I like being the observing side!

 

Week 3… dots moving closer!

While reading my daily cards, the one “I promise to manifest liberty & autonomy; I always keep my promise, Cheri J” had me thinking but not imaging what that would really feel and look like.

This past week I had leader training travel plus conducting workshops and squeezed in some personal medical appointments. Resulting in lab work beyond what I had thought would be needed. I became aware that I was growing a little nervous about the expenses pending when the index card came to mind- nearly as a distraction. Next thoughts went like this, “hmm, what would I be feeling and thinking about if I was now full of liberty and autonomy? I realized I wouldn’t be anxious, would be grateful for good self care and I could easily afford what was needed.”

You know what I did? I put on that frame work… it was transforming! I was able to be present with the staff, aware of my surrounds (which were loving by the way) and check out without a sweat!

It’s going to be interesting to see what unpackages in the days and week to come! =)

 

Week 2… growing pains.

I am discovering more each day the value of my Sunday’s calendar planning time. I decided Sunday, because I take that day for me, do refreshing, recharging and reconnecting actions. Yep, I enjoy working with my calendar as I color code, use stickies for re-occurring events and it grounds me somehow. Right now, there are more actions than time slots HA! so this week has not been so good on my sleep as I am staying up way too late trying to get “due today” actions started or completed.  I was like this in my college days too. Love my “Learning Different brain” and figuring out how I can support myself better as I try different windows of time during the day for what tasks I can concentrate best on at the time.

Living as a caregiver for my mom in her home, has presented its own set of challenges. After 10 months, I feel like we have a bit of a “sweet window” with her needing less from me and I have gotten the running of her home into a rhythm- I can focus back on my growing and working with my business- which I really enjoy.

I apply the Scroll 1 into my daily reflection not just read it 3x but really am finding that phrases pop into my head through out the day regardless of what I am doing at the time. I did record myself reading the chapter and have started playing that when I am in the car driving, or walking my dog. That has really helped with retention for me.

Tonight, I finished my second draft on my DMP. I have been able to ask myself, if money were no object and I could do or be anywhere or do anything what would I do? Bubbling up came some really passionate thoughts and ideas. So I spent time capturing those and checking in with my inner responses. I laughed out loud! In the “natural” folks would call me crazy that there is “no way you could achieve that” interesting- that did not stop me from adding that to my DMP! Why not? It is possible, its a deep desire, so I am going to play with these ideas and run with them!